


semblance of consciousness

by inkandella



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Booker needs love and gosh darn it Nile is going to give it to him whether he likes it or not, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Momma Andy is just the Best, but somehow it works, joe and nicky accidentally adopt a spitfire of a girl, tags will be added!, who is actually an adult and a marine and could kill you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25400512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkandella/pseuds/inkandella
Summary: The aftermath of Merrick might be harder than the bloody battle. The reality of everything was due to hit sooner or later, and any second now Nile would realize that she was completely alone, and she would break. Except that in the process of losing her old world, she was thrown into a new one, and this one doesn't let their own struggle alone.Or; Joe and Nicky end up being just the support system Nile needed, and she ends up with more love in her life than she knows what to do with.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nile Freeman & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Nile Freeman & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani
Comments: 11
Kudos: 266





	semblance of consciousness

Nile could barely keep herself awake. It seemed, unfortunately, that super-powered healing didn’t do much in the realm of mental fatigue. She was stuck in an uncomfortable loop of her head slowly drooping forward, mind swimming and sleepy, then immediately snapping her head back up with a start as soon as her chin hit her chest. It was around the fourth time when her head decided to tilt sideways instead and embarrassingly land square on Booker’s shoulder—which only engendered a rather worried and vaguely amused look from the man in question—that Nile decided she had to start _some_ sort of conversation if she was ever going to reach their mystery destination with any semblance of consciousness. 

The air was tense, though, and Nile could tell there were tears and angry words just underneath the surface of it. Her mind danced for a second, trying to figure out what her safest option was. She sighed. “Where are we going?” There. That was innocuous enough, right? It wasn’t completely her fault if it came out hoarse and shaky. 

Joe turned back from the passenger seat and gave her a cheeky smile. Nile felt her chest loosen just a bit. “Nicky and I have a place not too far from here. It will be safe. Safe enough for us to lay low for a time.” He turned back to look out the windshield, the small smile growing a little on his lips. “You will like it there.” 

Nicky leaned forward in his seat on the other side of Booker. “Yes, you will love it,” he flashed her an even bigger grin than Joe, eyes glittering with newfound excitement. “We have the best view in England.”

“And we have a little flower shop on the street below us,” Joe added, the burgeoning joy on his face looking out of place with the blood and grime. “The breeze brings up the sweet smell in the mornings…” Joe seemed to get lost in memory.

“And you can see the whole city sprawling below you like matchboxes,” Nicky said, picking up when Joe paused seamlessly. 

Nile couldn’t help a shaky but genuine smile of her own. Joe and Nicky’s enthusiasm was infectious. All of this excitement for a little apartment in London, smiling as if the worst days of Nile’s life hadn’t just come and gone like a tornado, leaving her more scared and more alone than she’d ever been. But Joe and Nicky, and Andy and Booker too, had just gone through their own hell, suffered just as much as her, and here they still were. The tension was gone from the car, if just for a moment, and Nicky was giving her a wink from across Booker’s shoulders, so, maybe it was… maybe she could… 

Joe reached back and squeezed her knee lightly. She saw the corners of Andy’s eyes crinkle at her in the rearview mirror, and felt a warm, barely there press against her shoulder from her right. She felt a little less empty, a little less tired. So… so maybe… 

Maybe. 

* * *

Joe and Nicky were right about their little flat, Nile found herself falling in love with it almost immediately. It started before they even got into the building. 

They passed the flower shop on their way in, and although it was closed that day, Nile could see through the bright glass windows that it was colorful and airy inside. With their beautiful, painted french doors and the quaint wooden stands outside, Nile could only imagine how nice it would be when it was open and full of life. 

The five of them were in unspoken agreement about taking the elevator, skipping the stairwell with weary glances toward Andy and all breathing in a sigh of relief when they made it in without running into any other passersby that might ask one too many questions about their appearances. 

They finally shuffled through the door to the flat (which Joe picked with a wry grin and a comment about keeping track of key rings in times of crisis), and from what Nile could see over the shoulders of everyone in front of her it was really quite impressive. The ceiling was higher than she expected, painted a light, powder blue that made the whole space feel open and inviting. There were wide windows all across the two far walls, all draped in gauzy curtains that let the sunlight stream in and highlight the substantial amount of dust modes floating through the air. The wall to her right had two dark, wooden doors, one cracked open just enough to see the white tile within. Bathroom, then. The room in front of her was mostly occupied by long, worn couches and soft chairs, grouped in front of a low coffee table and a television. Toward the left side of the room was an open kitchen area, with a small island and a few stools sticking out into the room. There was another door on the wall to her left, by the kitchen, but with the shape of the building Nile couldn’t imagine the room was much more than a closet. 

Nile took a deep breath, her eyes shuddering closed, letting herself feel the sunlight on her skin.

“Benvenuto a casa nostra,” Nicky called out, hands spread wide before him and a proud smile on his face. “This should do fine, yeah?” 

Andy gave him a small but fond smile. “It’ll do perfectly, Nicky.” 

“Eh, I prefer your place in Smyrna,” Booker said dryly, eyes flicking around the room and purposefully avoiding anyone else’s.

Nile expected a jest in reply, or at the very least a small chuckle, but Nicky and Joe both remained silent, as if Booker hadn’t said a thing. Nile could see Nicky’s jaw working, as if he was close to opening it to say something, but one shared look with Joe seemed to make him rethink whatever it had been. Nile met Booker’s eyes, and felt a deep pang in her heart at the sadness and resignation she found there. She tried to offer him an olive branch with a sympathetic smile, but all he managed back was a slight twitch of his lips. 

Andy was either oblivious to the whole exchange or way too fucking tired to care at the moment, and Nile think she knew which one was more likely. The warrior dropped her axe to lean against the arm of a couch (luckily one with a dark brown fabric that hid any stains the axe was undoubtedly leaving on it) and cleared her throat. “I claim first shower,” she called, squeezing Joe’s shoulder on her way to the bathroom. 

“Need any help, boss?” He asked quietly, brows furrowed with worry. Andy didn’t stop to answer, just raising a hand up in decline as she went. As the door shut behind her Nile saw Joe look painstakingly at Nicky and mutter something that sounded like _“That woman”_ under his breath. Nile couldn’t help but agree. 

They all split up after that, Nicky going through the cupboards and pulling out old cans of soup and vegetables to make something semi-edible for them to eat, while Booker had gone almost immediately out to the balcony (something Nile hadn’t spotted during her scan of the room earlier) and set-up camp on a spindly metal chair. Joe went into the second room on the right, coming out a few minutes later with an armful of fabric. Nile watched as he laid four sets of clothes out on the sofas, each slightly different styles and colors and sizes. Different enough for Nile to realize after a few seconds that Joe hadn’t just brought out something he thought the rest of them would like, but he had actually brought out _their_ clothes. The realization put a funny feeling in Nile’s chest, but she couldn’t pinpoint why or what it was. Joe walked toward the bathroom, a loose shirt, baggy camo pants, and various undergarments draped over an arm. When he came out again a few moments later, the clothing was gone and he made a beeline to where Nile had perched herself on what looked like the least comfortable looking chair in the living room. 

He rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment, squeezing just enough before pulling back and stuffing his thumbs into his pockets and nodding his head to the sofa a little ways away that the garments were lying on. “The set on the right is for you. It won’t be a perfect fit, but it should do for now.” The pang in her chest was back. This time it was a little warmer. 

“Thank you,” she said, hoping he realized how much she meant it. 

Joe smiled. “Of course, _topolina._ You’re one of us now.” He gave her another nod before heading over to join Nicky in making what would have to pass as dinner. Nile’s gaze followed him, finding a small comfort in watching the two of them tease and laugh softly as they moved around the kitchen in perfect sync. 

They took turns showering, and Nicky helped dress Andy’s wounds. Nile tried not to think about her, or anything for that matter, as she took her turn in the shower, washing herself quickly and methodically. Just like she had been trained. Don’t waste water, make every drop count. She felt as though the blood and dirt came off too easily, flaking off her skin and muddying the pool at her feet to a point that Nile had to force herself to look up or else she would have been sick. It wasn’t _right_ that all this death could roll off her body as if it had never been there, as if it had no weight, no meaning. The blood should be stained in the grooves of her skin, scars should litter every inch of her torso. She should be reminded every time she looked at herself of the lives she’d taken, of the life taken from _her_ , because coming back from death had felt more like dying than getting her throat cut ever did. She shouldn’t be weightless, unburdened, shouldn’t be able to turn a new page and move on.

It was a while before the water stopped tasting of salt.

* * *

No one mentioned how long she had taken when she finally inched out if the bathroom, and Nile was grateful. After everyone else had taken their turn to wash and change, they all gathered in the kitchen and ate the dinner that Nicky and Joe had tossed together, which actually wasn’t half bad, all things considered. Tomato soup with green beans and onions and a few other miscellaneous vegetables; Nile had definitely had worse. Joe had even broken out a box of chocolate peanut butter protein bars for _dessert,_ as he had announced with a grand flourish, and that got everyone to crack a smile. 

The conversation was light and mindless, and it seemed like everyone was willing to push all of the daunting and painful conversations to the side, if just for the moment, and simply enjoy _being_.

With their sparse dishes put in the sink everybody began to wander off to sleep for what few hours they could. Booker took one of the sofas, rolling over to face the cushions and lying stiller than Nile had seen any man be. Andy was given the bed for the night, much to her protest, but even she was no match for all of them joined together against her in an argument. Nile could tell she was grateful, though. Before she went into the bedroom, Andy came over to her, her face drawn and tired but eyes warm. Nile found herself standing a little bit straighter as she approached. 

“Nile…” Andy began, then trailed off and shook her head. Eventually she cleared her throat and started again. “We have a lot to talk about, and we will, soon. I might have some answers for you,” Andy shrugged wryly, “Or maybe you’ll have some for me. But for tonight… thank you. For coming back.” Nile nodded, feeling something like pride grow in her chest. 

“It wasn’t really an option.”

“Yes, it was.” Andy smiled. A real one, the first one Nile had ever seen from her. Nile was almost taken aback at it, and couldn’t help but feel warm inside. “And so you know?” Andy said softly as she turned toward the bedroom, “We’re all really happy you’re here.” 

* * *

She had made her way to the balcony. She wanted to watch the sun set. She watched until the pinks and oranges turned to indigoes and violets, and eventually all to black. What few stars she could see were twinkling madly, albeit faintly, and she traced the sky for an immeasurable amount of time searching for any constellations she might recognize. 

She thought of guns, a battle axe, two shots through the chest. She thought of blood tattooed on her skin, betrayal, and the family she left alone back home. Most of all, she thought about how Betelgeuse was redder in the sky than she had ever seen back home. 

“See?” Nicky’s soft, accented voice brought her out of her daze. She hadn’t even heard him slide open the door. “Just high up enough to see over the buildings.” He had come to stand next to her, just a few feet away and leaning his forearms on the balustrade. He didn’t look over at her, but there were the faintest beginnings of a knowing smile on his lips, and Nile got the feeling that there was much more meaning hidden behind his words.

“Like matchboxes,” Nile replied, and was rewarded with Nicky’s full smile. They stood for a while, looking at the stars, and the matching city lights below them. 

“If you want, tomorrow I can take you out into town. Get you new clothes, anything you need.” He tilted her way a little, rested his hip against the railing. “Maybe a toothbrush.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Is there something you’re trying to say?”

“Of course not,” he raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I would never. I care too much for my personal safety.” 

Nile laughed. It startled her. It felt like years since she had last smiled like that. Maybe it was the realization that they had won, they were _free_ , finally catching up to her. Maybe it was the fact that she was beginning to think of this ragtag team of immortals as _they_ , as _us_. Or maybe it was simply Nicolo telling her, eyes wide and honest, that he was afraid of her beating him up over a comment of bad breath, when they both knew perfectly well that he could take her down in a fight breaking only a moderate sweat. Not that she wouldn’t have landed a few solid punches in the process, of course, and she could tell by his crow’s feet as she looked at him that Nicky was thinking along the same lines. 

“I would love that,” she said instead of a million other things that she was thinking, and Nicky’s face somehow lit up even more. 

**Author's Note:**

> I should have posted this ages ago, but my brain sucks and I decided to pull an all-nighter instead. Not betaed, so let me know if you see any mistakes! Comments are loved <3 
> 
> Unsure where I'm headed with this, but we'll see! If you have any ideas, lmk, because I have quite a bit of blank space in my outline.


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